♥

Being a girlfriend.

Being a girlfriend is not just about being beautiful and attractive for your guy. It’s not just about letting him chase you, letting him do sweet things every time you’re mad at him and not just receiving flowers and gifts during your anniversaries.

It’s not about doing those girly things just to get his attention and not just about feeling mighty every time he did everything you want. It’s also being an emotional partner wherein you support him in every opportunity that he takes, you appreciate everything that he does for you and you thank him for doing it, you remind him on the things he must do and what he must not.

Just because you know that you can always keep him on his feet, doesn’t mean you can manipulate him. You understand him not just as a partner but as individual too. you help him in every way showing him, that in a relationship, there’s no “I” or “you”, there’s only “we” and “us”.

You know also that a man has their ego, and even when it become a little irritating sometimes, you still understand that it’s a part of his nature. A girlfriend is not just a term, it also has responsibilities that every girl must know.

You’re a friend, a sister, a second mom, a teacher, and a best friend.

Good vibes.

"When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you do good."

I might be overly emotional when I’m exhausted or have been through hell. I make stupid decisions because sometimes, I’m ruled by emotion. But, if you cut me out of your life because of that, then you’re losing someone who will truly care about you. And I might miss you, and I might stay awake wondering what the hell I did to be treated like this, but know that that’s only temporary. I will get over all of that and be stronger because of it. I will get over it. And I’ll move on, and become the strongest person possible.

Love is not a maybe thing.

My mind scares me sometimes.

It’s not the million of thoughts I worry about, I can deal with them, it’s that one thought that can occupy so much space in my mind; it could drown me down. How just one thought can bring out my insecurities, fears, and worries is quite terrifying. How just one thought can push every other thought out so easily, like the feared bully on the playground. I’m not afraid of having too many thoughts, I’m afraid of having one that can nearly destroy me, mentally.

I'm so in love with you, it's insane.

I’m sorry I always hurt you. I’m sorry I’m a bitch when I don't try to be. I’m sorry you think I’m mad at you when I’m really not. I’m sorry you think I’m trying to mold you or you have to change who you are for me because I love you just the way you are because I always have and I always will. I’m sorry I have outbursts of anger that can hurt you. I’m sorry you think I’m not as understanding as I really am. I’m sorry that I can’t control my emotions and that when you see them it’s usually when I’m about to break.
I’m sorry I don’t tell you everything. I’m sorry you think it’s because I don’t love you and I don’t trust you but really I don’t want you to have to worry about me too. I’m sorry that I can’t be better for you. I’m sorry that I’m really a horrible person. I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry I’m so unfair to you because I am. I’m sorry you think I don’t appreciate you when you’re the only thing in my life I’d do almost anything to keep in my life. I’m sorry I’ve taken advantage of you. I’m sorry I did what I did. I’m sorry I make you feel like you’re always doing something wrong when you’re not.
I’m sorry I’m such an asshole. I’m sorry I probably make you regret coming into my life. Sometimes I’m sorry I was born then you wouldn’t have to deal with my shit. Most of all I’m sorry for adding to your pain. But I want you to know that I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I need you. I love you. I love you so much. I know you don’t understand how much or why, but I do. I’d do anything in the world for you. Even if it meant I’d die trying.
I love you to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above. I promise, I promise. I just want you to realize how much I care. When I hit rock bottom everything is bad, everything is a lie, everything is horrible, everything hurts and nothing is beautiful, everything is magnified 20,00 times and it’s not your fault. But when I come out of it and you’re the light at the end of the tunnel, I’m glad I survived it. You made this world tolerable. You kept me going. you still do. Always always. I just want you to believe that I’m here for you.

I trust you with my heart, I trust you with my mind. I trust you with everything.

I hope you know that. I love you. I trust you.

Loud enough to break the silence.

It was when I met you when I understood love songs and why couples danced with each other. I understood kissing and why it was the most beautiful thing. I understood why heartbroken people cried and why they stayed away from everyone when their hearts shattered because they needed their space to fill it with voice of their lover whom break their hearts and to bring their hearts' pieces together then break them again. It was when I met you when I understood what life was all about and why people stayed late at night thinking about that someone.

I would like to publicly say that I’m falling for you. You and all your goofy, corny ways. You already mean the world to me. All day, every day, I’m thinking about you. You, us, everything. You’re honestly such an amazing person in every way. You’re what I’ve been looking for. We literally fit together like a puzzle and only you and I know the extent of that. From that first meet, I knew there was something about you. And now look, I’m hooked.

It's just nobody's ever looked at me the way you did.

I think I’ve finally realized that just because some things will always hurt, it doesn’t mean the pain deserves to be a part of my daily life.
Holding onto it gives it a hold on your whole life. And I’m past the point of needing it around to keep me safe. I’m past the point of letting it control my life.
I’m finally ready to be as sincerely happy as I deserve.

We all accept the love we think we deserve.

If the person we were that day didn’t meet, would I be the same? Would I feel as badly as I do? I’m not necessarily bitter, or remorseful, or maybe even lingering over past emotions. But I just wonder… would I be as guarded as I am now if you didn’t do the things you did, or say the things you said? You were the only person that made me feel so alive, yet you were also the only person who’s capable of killing me. And you did. Sadly, you did. I never would have expected you to, but you did. There’s a lot of things I wouldn’t mind rewriting if I could. I wouldn’t mind going back to that one day and change everything all over again. But then again… I wouldn’t be the same person. I wouldn’t know as much as I do. The truth about forever, and promises, and all those days constantly wishing for you, well… I wouldn’t have figured out any of that. So, I don’t regret any of it. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.

Guide me through anything.

We've been through the ups and downs. I've been through the darkest but also the brightest when I'm with him. I've also thought that I could never endure all that. He push me beyond what I think I could handle. Though how much it kills, though how much I hurt him back then, I'll try my best to be the best for him. His smile, his eyes, his laugh. Ya Allah, give me strength to withstand any obstacles ahead of me. Set my heart strong, stronger then it used to be.

Ya Allah, if my happiness one day can be exchange for the sorrow that you will one day sends him, take my happiness away. Give me all his sorrows in exchange so that he can always be happy. I'd rather to have all his sorrows than to see him in sadness one day. He had given me so much happiness when we were together. That's how much I love him. I know I had always been asking things from You Ya Allah but to whom else can I ask when You are the only Giver and the only Keeper. To You only that I can ask for and to You only I lies my faith on. I lay everything to You and may You gives the best of the best for me and for him. Do please take care of him wherever he is and whoever he's with.

♥

My beliefs.

A relationship is about being with another person, a whole other human being, who is an individual has their own thoughts and opinions. It’s about being the one person they know they can always turn to when the whole world has turned their back on them, and being loyal to their cause for living and fighting, respecting whatever decision they make, and supporting them through their mistakes, and helping to make it all better so that you can see them smile again. It’s about being their best friend all the time, even when the two of you are at a disagreement, someone you can laugh with, and be comfortable around, and being their lover, when they need your touch most, and someone who will motivate you and you make an effort of 100% to make them proud.

It’s about not pushing each others points of views, and beliefs on each other, but showing each other a whole other world, and again respecting their decision to either enter, or leave that world to yourself. It’s about acknowledging the fact that they are an individual with their own necessities and feelings, and fulfilling their needs, and valuing their emotions. It’s about being patient enough with them to understand, listening to them before you say a word, putting their own situation first, so that you can try and help them, and if there is no way to help, then at the very least comfort and simply be by there side.

It’s also about being faithful to them. It’s about two individuals coming together as completely separate people with their own heart, mind, body and soul, and over time becoming one. And not only liking it, but loving it. It’s about feeling nothing but love for this other person, and both of you wanting nothing but to be together always, because you know that you are complete. It’s about never feeling empty or alone in this world, because they have filled every part of your world, and are always there beside you. It’s about meaning everything to each other.