And, this is for you:

Just thought I should let you know. I just want you to know that I have been here all along, just waiting. Waiting for you to notice me, waiting for you to care. Waiting for you to say that you have been waiting too, waiting for you to say that you feel the same way as I do.

One day if we will never talk again, there is something you must know. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have come this far. I feel at my best when you are by my side. Maybe this is the only way to tell you- you are a wonderful person and make life actually seem worth it. 

<3

I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I’m tired of missing things. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of wishing I could start all over. I’m tired of not being able to just let go. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being different. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of needing help. I’m tired of always wondering when God is finally going to let me be happy. Most of all, I just I’m just tired of being tired.

Romance is Dead.

It’s upsetting to think that someone can, after so long, so many memories and so much love, just turn around and say, “Sorry, I don’t love you anymore.” After everything they have gone through, it hurts to think about how somebody can change their mind on such a thing as their love for another. I can’t even begin to understand the reasons behind this. I know things change and nothing lasts, but I just can’t seem to comprehend how can a feeling change, just like that, in a blink of an eye? And it scares me, so much.

Marilyn Motherfucking Monroe ♥

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

I'm broken. Stay away from me.

I’m sick of going home every night with no one to talk to. I feel useless, it makes me feel so alone. It sucks not having someone there to talk to, or help you when you are feeling down.I am running out of things to tell myself that things will get better.my confidence is getting lower by the minute.

Everyone always says “good things come to the ones that wait”.

That is complete and utter bullshit. I have done my time, I have waited enough and I don’t have the energy to wait any longer. This is me giving up. I don’t have the energy to get my hopes up and watch them get crushed anymore.

I want to tell someone so badly what I am going through, but I know they’ll only judge me, consider me a failure because I made so much progress only to slide all the way back down into the hole that I manage to keep making deeper. I dare not tell anyone, but deep down, under all the walls, all the fake smiles and fasle anwers to the question “How are you doing?”, I wish and I yearn for someone, somewhere, to look striaght through me and see that, I am wasting away, dying inside and screaming for someone anyone to understand. I’m so upset, I’m so sad, I’m so lonely, I’m so ugly, I’m so stupid, I’m so useless. Every day I am struggling with this pain in my chest that won’t go away and keeps getting bigger heavier and with each moment more and more unbareable. No one knows what I’m going through, and I am certain no one ever will. I’m a waste of life. 

This is for the broken-hearted.

I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever.

 

You don’t want to laugh, because you know it’s not going to help, but you don’t want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. 

You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it’s falling apart too. 

You don’t think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. 

And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That’s the confusing part, you don’t know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. 

And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you’re getting happy again, but you know inside that you’re just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you’re back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. 

And you can’t help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever.

 And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn’t happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. 

They don’t know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this.

 And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you’ve had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you’re to the point where you don’t care who see’s. Because you’ve spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. 

And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it’s not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, “It will be okay…” But you know it won’t. 

And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You’re still hurt, but you’ve learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay.

 So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don’t hear it. 

And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this.

Ouch.

 

I’ve been dealing with a lot of suicidal thoughts lately. And really, there’s nothing wrong in my life that would cause these suicidal thoughts to arise. It’s just something in me gone haywire. It’s like a part of me that’s not really a part of me that I can kind of talk back to. It sounds otherworldly and crazy.