He’s my smile when I’m feeling blue.

I want you to feel appreciated each and every day that I’m with you. I want to show you really just how much I love you. I want to walk around and hold your hand because I’m proud to be with you. I want to plan little impromptu picnics in the park for just us two. I want to call you every single and tell you that you mean the world to me. I want to always let you know that, in my eyes, you ARE perfect. I want to lose track of time while doing nothing with you. I want to wake up early and make you breakfast. I want to lay in bed with you and sing to you. I want to wrestle with you, but I probably won’t let you win. I want to kiss you in the most crowded place we can find because again, I don’t care who sees because I love you. I want to protect you when you need me to and have your back when you hold your own. I want to show you the good things in life. I want to go on mini adventures with you. I want to show you that it’s okay to take chances. I want to woo you with terrible pick up lines when you’re feeling down. I want to slow dance with you to the music of your choice. I want to go to concerts with you. I want to stay up all night watching movies and laughing with you. I want to learn from you. I want to take care of you. I want to make you laugh at inappropriate times. I want to be the one you think of before you fall asleep at night, because that’s what you are to me. I want to open your eyes to new things, beliefs, and experiences. I want to spend the rest of my days with you and grow with you. Life without you just isn’t the same and I couldn’t think of anyone else I would want to have by my side. I will always accept you for who you are and love you no matter what. I want to gain your trust and have your family accept me. I want them to feel like I’m the best choice for you and that I’ll never let you down. I want them to know that when their son is with me that he is in safe hands and that he will be happy. I’m going to do whatever it takes to prove to them, the world, and most importantly to YOU that I’m the best choice and that I’ll love you always and forever.

I have seen the best of you and the worst of you and I choose both. I want to share every single one of your sunshines and save them for later. I want to tuck them into my pockets and give them back to you when the rains fall hard. I want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself. I want to be the air in your lungs to remind you to breathe easy. When the walls come down, when the thunder rumbles, hold my hand, and I promise, I won’t let go.

♥

This. Please?

Can we watch the stars, play video games, cook and clean your room, drink tea, pillow fights, take walks in the middle of fields, take late night drives, dance crazy just because, wrestle each other, have kissing fights, have hot make out sessions, be cheesy together, write each other love letters, eskimo kiss, beat the odds, be “that” couple, know each other without speaking, be best friends, and basically be in love for the rest of my life?

Wishes.

I want to be able to fall asleep in your arms every night knowing I’ll wake up right next to you every morning, safe and sound. Being in your arms just makes everything so much better. Nothing is more perfect and calming. I want to be able to lay my head over your heart while you run your fingers through my hair. Seriously, just being with you gets so much off of my mind, and brightens up my mood. Thanks for being everything I could ever ask for and more.

And I would really like to watch the night sky with you. Just us. You and me. I love watching the stars. It’s so beautiful and mesmerizing. You can get lost in it and forget about all of your problems.

Psst... I just really can’t wait for the day that I wake up in the middle of the night and there is someone’s body next to mine to hold me and cuddle me back to sleep. Hee.

Good night, Muhaimin! Sweet dreams and sleep tight! I love you so much. ♥♥♥

*HUGS&KISSES*

Yes, I've said it.

My boyfriend seriously spoils me so much and treats me so well it’s kind of ridiculous. — I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you in my life. Well, I’m not a “perfect girlfriend”. I’m a clingy and so annoying. I’m a dumbass, I always mess things up so bad. I’m a little too sensitive when it comes to certain things. I ruin your mood and day easily and make you so tired of everything. Despite all these things, you still fucking want me. You have been incredible in trying to understand my bullshit and how you can make things easier for me. I cannot begin to explain how much I appreciate you. Sometimes it feels like everything that could go wrong, has. It’s NEVER easy to comfort me, but somehow you’ve managed to do it in the end. I have you to thank for helping me through the hardest times, bit by bit, and reassuring me that you’ll always be there for me when I need you. I can’t promise I will always do good to you and never cause issues between us, but I can promise that I won’t stop trying for you as long as you try for me. I really just wanna be with you. Yes, I am not the perfect girlfriend. In fact, I might be one of the worst girlfriend ever. BUT I want to be with you. I like you. I want you. I need you. I love you. I love you and I LOVE YOU. I love you. with everything inside of me.

He really has no idea how much he means to me, and neither do any of you. So overall, all I can say is; Babe, I’m really really sorry. I’m scared to get too comfortable with our love and fully immerse myself in it because I’m so scared of you changing your mind and walking away. I know you’re probably getting tired of me. Just bear with me, please. I love you. I do, more than ever.

The one you are “meant to be” with does not break your heart.

They won’t lie to you. They won’t cheat on you. They won’t call you horrible names even in the midst of a bad fight. They won’t consider being with other people. They won’t put other things before you. They will prioritize your happiness. They will make time for you no matter how busy they are. They will never gave up on you. They will put in just as much effort as you do. They may make mistakes. They may mess up every now and then, they’re not perfect, but they’re going to try their best to be everything you deserve. This is who you should be with. This is who you deserve. No more crying over the guy or girl that hurt you so many times before. No more wasting chances on them when they least deserve it. Being with the wrong person only delays you meeting the right one. It delays you from experiencing true love and what it’s like to be with someone that’s absolutely perfect for you. Someone that brings out the best in you and makes you look forward to every tomorrow.

If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't change anything, because everything I am now is the result of the past things, whether good things or bad things that had happened. There are things I would like to change if I could, words I might take back. But from this side of the grave time only moves in one direction. I can change the future, but I can never change the past. And, everything I am now, is wonderful.

One fine day, sweetheart.

One day, It’s just going to be one of those lazy days where we wouldn't have to dress up, or “pretty” ourselves up because all we’re going to do is stay home. I could just throw on one of your big t-shirts and we’d cuddle all day in each other’s arms, play wrestling, holding hands and kissing. We’d pig out on a tub of ice cream and watch movies till the sun sets and we’d laugh foolishly about every little thing. I would be able to act totally childish and you’d return the mood by doing the same. Then we’d jump into bed and begin making out till it leads to something completely passionate. And to end it off, I want to be able to look into your eyes, all cuddled up in your arms and tell you that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

You moved me.

"Every day it gets harder but every day we get closer to being with each other."

You touched my heart in ways that nobody ever has before. You truly taught me who I am and what I’ve done wrong. I trust you. You trust me. And that’s all that matters. Because you’re someone that has touched my heart and made me believe in myself in ways that nobody ever has before.

I understand how rough things get at times. I just want to let you know that things will get better, I promise. Keep holding on just a little bit longer.

You, being there at my side, knowing that you care for me, and hearing you say “I love you” are more than enough, and they mean the world to me.

You are the best and I couldn’t ask for more. The thought of you alone is enough to make me smile. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward time, to get out of here and be there with you. We both thought we were out of the heart breaking business when we found each other, but I don’t think we are. I think we’re gonna break a lot of couples’ hearts. HEHEHE. Wanna know why? When they see us they’re gonna die inside a little, cause they can never be as good as us. HEHE. I will never understand how someone amazing and sweet and funny and smart as you could ever fall for someone like me, but I got lucky somehow. I’ll never forget that either, that you’re too good for me, there will never be one single day I take you for granted. I’ve been through enough “okay” relationships to know what we have is one and a million, and I’ll never let it go. I love you Muhaimin, I love you more and more everyday.

You’re the only person that ever made me feel anything, really feel. Even if it wasn’t always the best of feelings, you’re the only one who could make me smile or tear me down in three seconds flat. You’re the only person that can drive me crazy, in both good and bad ways. You’re the only person that ever made me feel like I didn’t have to try so hard. I wish you would grab me and hold me tight in your arms and whisper in my ear how much you love me.

I’ve been sitting here trying to think how to describe how much I love you, and everything in our relationship. But I can’t. It’s perfect to me, and I love you so much. We’re young, I know, but we can overpower any journeys to come. Right? I love you.

Will you love me tomorrow? The day after? For all time?

And that's how I feel, love.

Being in love is a very strange thing. Your thoughts constantly drift towards this other person, no matter what you’re doing. You could be reaching for a glass in the cupboard or brushing your teeth or listening to someone tell a story, and your mind will just start drifting towards their face, their hair, the way they smell, wondering what they’ll wear, and what they’ll say the next time they see you. And on top of the constant dream state you’re in, your stomach feels like it’s connected to a bungee chord, and it bounces and bounces around for hours until it finally lodges itself next to your heart.

Arguments.

In a relationship no matter if it’s long or short term there will always be obstacles wanting to get in your way. Maybe it’s a crazy ex, over protective parents, lack of commitment, or even jealousy cause by a certain friend. The

se obstacles are not there to bring you down for they are tests that would define your relationship. In order to pass these tests, not only will you need to forget all your differences but you will also need to work together as a team. You need to remember why you wanted to be with that person in the first place. Is it because they make you happy? Is it because they treat you like no one’s ever had before? Do the things they say make your heart beat faster? Does it make you smile whenever they pop up on your brain? If you answer yes to all (or most) of these questions, then there would be more reasons for you to keep fighting for your happiness. Don’t let a silly argument get in the way of your relationship. By using communication while having faith and trust, you’ll sure to beat any tests that might come your way.

I want to go beautiful places with you.

♥

I won’t say I’ll never hurt you. Chances are I will. I’ll make mistakes. I’ll break promises. I’ll fight with you. I’ll make you scream. I’ll make you not want to be with me anymore. But even so, I will always learn from my mistakes. I’ll n

ever give up on us. We’ll always compromised. I’ll always love you. I’m not perfect. I never will be. But I also don’t want to be dishonest and promise you things I can’t keep. I’d rather show you my faults and try to make up for them. 

I want to walk through gardens and forests and through fields and along rivers with you. I want to lay down on a blanket with you somewhere calm and quiet. I want to lay my head on your chest so I can hear your heartbeat and feel your warmth. I want to step away from reality and enjoy the world and what we have. I love you.

Let’s have an adventure!

One day, I’ll text or call you and say, “Get dressed. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” We’ll drive off in one direction, with no destination. We’ll stop anywhere that catches our eye. Places we’ve never been before, places that are close to our hearts, places were we can just be in each other’s presence. Let’s drive to the beach, and go in the water fully-clothed, just because we can. Let’s go to Universal Studio, and buy a truck-load of chocolates and ice-creams and candies and stuffs. At the end of our adventure, when it’s dark and we’re tired, we’ll be standing on the porch of my house after you drop me off. We’ll have that final goodnight kiss after a day of just enjoying each other’s company.

I won't lie.

I love everything about him. Sure, things can get difficult but so do all relationships. He drives me crazy occasionally but I’d rather be crazy with him than crazy without him which, trust me, would be FAR worse. I love his voice, his laugh, the way he says ‘I love you’, I love his adorable smile. I love how smart and funny he is and how unconditionally he loves and accepts me for who I am. 

To make it clear, you’re the only person I have ever met my whole life who actually makes me feel like my days are worth living. You’re the first person who actually made me feel beautiful. When I look at you my eyes begin to sparkle. Many say when I talk about you, I have this glow around me when I mention your name. But the most important thing is that, you’re the only person who actually can make me smile without even trying, just a simple smile, glance, or whatever silly face you’re making would always make me smile and giggle like I’m a little 5 year old girl on a playground meeting a new friend on the slide. I know there’s no real meaning of “perfect” but you’re perfect to me.

"Fuck bitches get money"?

To all the guys who claim, "fuck bitches get money"... Just a little heads up. 

Your “lifestyle” is a contradiction when clearly you’re blowing stacks of cash just to fuck those bitches in the first place. If you’re buying your way into getting laid, or need to invest ten times the energy and time just to play the field, you obviously suck at your own game. In fact, if you ever had the chance, you should have just stuck with the girl who was wifey, those are the girls worth every penny and second, which unfortunately, you might have complained about. I feel sorry for you.

Was it worth the risk?

I know your thoughts are killing you. I know the days get you through, but the nights are the worst, you’ve never felt so blue. You expected relief, but now you’re looking for it, now the emotions in your brain just don’t fit. You used to drink for enjoyment, but now you just drink to drown out your feelings. You’re possibly intoxicated to express yourself and use the alcohol as an excuse. Either way, you can’t pretend that it’s not getting to you. See what I’m trying to say is… You can’t break someone’s heart without finding out that you can actually break your own.. So tell me, was it worth the risk?

Yours truly.

See, I could be a bitter person because of my past. All the failed relationships, all the experiences that didn’t last. The effort I made on them that never really was appreciated, the extravagant moments that were considered overrated. I could be extra cautious with my heart, and fear being taken for granted, but then you walked in my life and like the movie, I was enchanted. You see, giving a part of me that was never cherished could have left me a bitter, bitter person. With the next experience, I probably expected my efforts to worsen. Then you walked in, and instead of these walls I built, my heart unfurled. You gave me the realization that I could mean something to someone, and with this, I want nothing now, but to give you the world.

I want a polaroid camera.

Those vintage ones, you know? So I can bring it around with me and capture moments of you and me, but preferably you. I want to snap that shot of you taking a bite of food, or waking up first thing in the morning, or when you’re deep in thought, and maybe even when you pose just for me. I want to snap a shot of me kissing you as you sleep and us laughing because we couldn’t take a funny face picture the right way. I want to print that moment on the spot, and save it for the days when I just need to see you in your natural state, especially when I miss you the most. But until I get that polaroid camera, I’ll be saving images and creating a mental collage of your laugh, seriousness, and candid moments in my head.

Mine.

For when you’re at your worst, they would understand what you’ve been through and comfort you from there. They’ll listen to what you have to say and not be judgmental about it. Find someone who not only would understand, but would be willing to be there for you through thick and thin. No matter what happens, if they say that they’ll always be there, they’ll actually take their word for it. More importantly, find someone who would understand you like no one ever has.

♥

Bear in mind, love.

I love you so much, but sometimes you make me feel soooo sad and mad that I just want to kick your ass and run. I don’t know what to do. But in the end I realize how much I love you and end up coming back for you again. I cannot promise that I will not let my anger show when I’m jealous. But I promise to try to be understanding that there are many things I will never understand. I will be strong for you as you are strong for me. We can make this work. Right?

I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you.

We don’t have the greatest love story,

but we have one I have never imagined would happen to me. I can’t see myself or want myself to be with anyone else. You’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before I sleep. Everything about you is beautiful. Thank you for making me feel this way. For making me feel like anything could be possible as long as I have you. Thank you for making my days just that much better. Just thank you.

Thank you for putting up with me when I get crazy and start PMS’ing out of the blue. Thank you for always having faith and trust in me. What we have is beautiful, and I don’t care what anyone says. We aren’t perfect and we don’t try to be. As long at the end of the day, I’m content and happy with where we are in our relationship, I could care less about anyone’s opinions. You make me happy and that’s all that matters.

And if I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me.

People define love base on their experience. But for me “Love is Acceptance.” Why? Because when you love that person, you accept that person for who he/she really is. It’s when the negative things about him/her doesn’t affect you. At times it did but you just tend to put up with it sincerely. Meaning, you clearly love him/her only if you’ve accepted that person. That’s why Love isn’t blind at all. It sees, but it doesn’t mind.

The opportunity to begin again.

Believe me. Making a mistake gives you the opportunity to begin again.

This time, more intelligently. Next time, you know better. Now you know what NOT to do, and what things you ought to do. You become wiser as a result of your bad experience which, eventually, enables you to have a better judgment. You cannot forget the mistakes you’ve committed in the past. The fact that your mistakes keep lingering in your mind only shows the large impression they have made on you, especially if such errors have created a big difference in your life. Be glad instead that you can remember, because those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it. Realize that our mistakes also become our teachers. Therefore, you can learn from your mistakes and vow not to repeat them again. Remember that the greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making one. In fact, even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement.

Those 3 words.

I love you means that I accept you for the person you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect you to be perfect. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means when you’re in a bad mood I won’t leave you and try to make you better. It means loving you through all your emotions not just when you’re fun to be with. It means that I could know your deepest secrets and not judge you for them. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means through all our fights, we will find a way to resolve it, and learn from it.

Relationships aren’t suppose to be easy.

They require work, compromise, dealing with someone else’s problems, and looking at someone else’s messes. A perfect relationship means doing those things well. Expect long nights of fights and talks, heart ache and times of questioning and understanding. It won’t be easy but only those who can stick through it survive the first step in relationships.

Yes, you.

There’s this particular guy. There’s something about him that makes this relationship worthwhile. He changed my life in so many different ways that I actually become more appreciative of him each day. He’s my best friend yet the love of my life at the same time. We don’t have the typical lovey dovey type of relationship but we have that relationship where we can tease each other yet we know when to act serious. Through all the fights and arguments, he finds a way to pull through and deal with my stupid outbursts. It’s always going to be you and I, baby. No matter how big the fight and no matter how small of a conversation we have, we’ll be together til the end of time. I love you, remember that. I know it seems like sometimes I take you for granted but trust me, I appreciate having you every second of my life. I honestly couldn’t have asked for anyone better.

I know it’s hard to prove, but it’s true. I can’t find a reason to actually give up. There has been more good things than bad things. I just want to let you know that I won’t be the one giving up. I don’t believe in the saying, ”If you love someone, let them go.” Because if you really did love them, you wouldn’t have let go. But if you hurt me, make me cry constantly, have no love for me, use me, then that’s a whole different story.

I always want to talk to you.

No matter what time it is, where I am, or what I’m doing. I’d drop whatever I’m doing just to have a conversation with you. Why? Simply because I love talking to you. I love how we talk about the most random topics. I love how you know how to keep a conversation going. I love how we lose track of time. A simple text or phone call from you can make me smile throughout the whole day. I know it sounds rather silly, but it’s true. You’re on my mind all the time.

Can you promise not to hurt me?

Can you look me in the eye and tell me that I’ll be the only one you love? Can you keep me together through my constant breakdowns? Can you promise not to leave me? I’ve been worn down before, I’m not the same. I know that if I get hurt again, I might not be able to get back up this time. I’m relying on you. Please don’t hurt me. I’m asking you to take care of me. Can you do that?

Baby, let's...

• Watch movies till we fall asleep.
• Cook together.
• Make cheesy relationship videos to make others jealous.
• Give each other piggy back rides. 
• Play at the playground.
• Prank call people.
• Introduce each others families.
• Embarrass each other in public. 
• Talk on the phone till we don’t know what we’re saying.
• Treat each other like its our last day on Earth.

To me the little things do matter. It really does. Like those good morning text messages, goodnight text messages, the little gifts, the random phone calls. They all freaking matter. Small things make changes too.

Sleep with me.

Hold on tight, close your eyes, and concentrate on my breathing. Memorize the particular spots where I kiss your sweet face. Show me that smile that I love so much. Quiet your mind and erase the traffic. Let me take you away and shift your focus. Allow me to erase your problems and ease your worries. Dream with me, and let me tease you with the sweet words that tickle your ears. Share childhood stories and dreams. Give me a taste of your aspirations and hopes. Take a breath. Get comfortable. Lay on my bare chest. Let me show you the depth of my love. Smell the fresh sheets. Feel the length of time slow. Exhale and silently drift away with me.

You're a keeper.

When you find that person that understands you, laughs at every joke you say not because it’s funny but because it’s stupid, makes fun of you for the stupidest things, makes you laugh and smile no matter the time of the day, picks fights with you just because their scared of losing you, and is there for you through everything that comes by in life… don’t let that person go. When this person can make you feel so loved and special, that’s when you know you’ve found a keeper, forever.

It would still be you.

You make me so happy. The happiest I’ve ever been, actually. When I first met you, I was scared of what I felt for you. But I’m really happy with how far we’ve come. For once, I feel like someone knows me inside and out and accepts me for all that I am. I always wanted something like this in my life but I didn’t know it’d happen out of nowhere. I’m so lucky to have met you. I hope you know that not a second goes by where I don’t think of you. You are what completes my life and makes it worth it.

Around you I can be myself and be okay with that. I don’t have to worry about my make up because you think I am just as beautiful without it. I don’t have to worry about my hair being just so because chances are you’ll mess it up on purpose. I don’t have to wear something “sexy” because to you I look good in anything I want to wear. I don’t have to worry about putting on a fake smile because you’ll see right through it. I don’t have to worry about saying the right thing because when I do say something wrong, you know exactly what I meant. I act different around you then I do around anyone else. But in a good way because I’m more me around you.

You make my heart beat faster each time I see you, and you give me butterflies when you kiss me. You are the one I want to hold for the rest of my life. In your arms is where I belong. You melt me every time you tell me about the future that you want to spend with me and how we could show the world the real meaning of being in love with the right person.

You know what I love the most about us? I love how comfortable we are with each other. I love how we endlessly pick on each other, but we never take the teasing to heart. I love how you laugh like a little boy. I absolutely adore how when I walk away from you when we are fighting, you try and stay mad, but… then you run after me. How slowly you kiss me. I love how I can call you anytime I need to and somehow you never cease to make me laugh. I love how you need me as much as I need you. I love how you’re crazy about me… and I’m crazy about you.

Dear future kids,

I hope you do not end up like me at all. I don’t want you to go through the things I’m going through. I want to GUIDE your life but not dictate it. I want you to try everything so you know what you and what you don’t like. I want to be there to listen. I want to be the one you’re excited to introduce your first boyfriend/girlfriend too. I will make mistakes but I can only hope that you learn from them. I just want you to remember that when the world turns its back on you, you just have to pick up the phone dial your mom and pop’s number and there we’ll be. Waiting for you with arms wide open. Always. I love you baby.



Your future Mommy <3

I just don’t know why!

There’s no one else to blame but myself. I don’t know why I just can’t let myself flow with my feelings and give in to circumstances. I tend to hold back. I don’t if it’s just me but I’ve been that pessimistic when it comes to falling in love. I’ve never felt this so called love ever, and I guess that’s the main reason why I can’t convince myself to give in and let things happen as they happen. I’m afraid to be broken, I’m afraid indeed. I’m afraid of being attached, too attached with this certain person that I might lose myself if ever I lose him. I’m that pessimistic, I just can’t seem to see the bright side of being in love. I can’t let myself fall for this person. I’m afraid to look cheap and easy to get, but what I’m totally afraid of is the fact that I know things won’t last forever.

I'm afraid.

I’m afraid that our relationship and the love that we currently share right now will soon turn into something similar in the past. I’m afraid that what we have will be like my past relationships that eventually fade away, just like the others. I’m afraid that we’ll soon get pass the infatuation phase and fall into the comfortable stage, where we’ll begin to take each other for granted and cease to make an effort. I’m afraid that someday, you’ll begin to lose interest in me, and the possibility of distance and barriers come between us. I don’t want to lose you, nor do I want this relationship to end up like the rest. I know this is all cliche and I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but everything I say is true. I want us to be different, to share in something neither of us have ever experienced before.

I want us to be infinite.

Love hurts when the person leaves you.

When you really love someone, you build your life around them. You’re connected with them in every way possible. You can fight against the whole world for them. But the day they tell you there breaking up… you feel 50 knives being put into your heart. The more you love someone the more pain they will give you at the end. A happily ever after is what we read in books and watch in movies, but that doesn’t happen in real life. Step out of your dreams and come into the real world. Everyone’s been through heartbreak and we all know what it feels like in different ways.

More than love?

I need to feel your lips pressed against mine and your arm streched across my body, keeping me safe. I need your fingers tangled up in my fingers and our legs twined together; with every inch of our skin touching. I need to hear you say you love me. I want to keep you safe too and stop you from ever hurting again. I never want you to cry a single tear drop or slice any part of your beautiful skin. All want is you to know I love you more than life and for you to be happy.

My response.

Someone asked me:

"did you ever cry yourself to sleep thinking that you can’t just forget about him and let him go?"

Here's my response:

It’s okay to remember the good times you had together and keep the memory of them in your heart, but you have to move on. You broke up for a reason. This guy is not the one you are suppose to be with or you would still be together. Every time you start to think about some great time you had together or something romantic he did for you, you have to remind yourself of all the reasons why the two of you broke up. You need to go out with friends, get a new hobby, pursue your interests and goals, but you must move on. Otherwise, you will miss meeting all the great guys that are out their right now, because you are too busy thinking about your ex. There is a great guy out there right now that will treat you even better than your ex ever did, you just have not met him yet. Go out and enjoy life! Take this and every relationship you have as a learning experience and use it to make the next relationship even better.

Let’s switch roles this time.

This time, I’ll be the one to hurt you, make sure I lose connections with you and have you cry at night. I won’t be the one in pain, i won’t be the one losing sleep, and ultimately, I won’t be the one to get hurt anymore. Let’s see how much of this you can take because when you did it to me, I took so much of it. You don’t realize how much it hurts till you experience it.

Jealousy.

It's so unavoidable. It's just like a threat. Something that tests the foundations of our relationship. We know that we’re strong. Even as the tornado that is jealousy tries to destroy us. We hold strong. But every time I see those people who once stole your affections from me, who hindered us, who threatened to put all my hard work to waste… I cannot help it. There’s always a tiny part of me that screams. That reminds me of what I’ve been through. That tells me I hate you. Or rather that I should. And then there’s the bigger part of me, telling the screamer to calm down. That I don’t actually hate him. That he is everything. That if I don’t stop thinking about the past, the screaming will get worse; the bitterness I feel towards the love of my life will never seem to end and that I could destroy everything through this one simple act. For letting the screamer be heard. So I muffle it. I hide how I’m really feeling. I allow myself to be mad. Mad that he reminded me. Mad that he made me want to hate him. And it eventually gets easier. Over time, things build up. Simple acts built up turn tiny things into big deals. Like things you’ve done before all add up, making me jealous from tiny things that don’t even seem important to you. And that’s really what hurts. And consequently makes me lash out. You don’t understand fully why. You know part of it. But you don’t see that every tiny thing you’ve done cannot be forgotten. My mind will not let me. My heart can’t hide the scars. So sometimes, when I’m alone, I have time to think. And sometimes this is where my mind wonders. I think of all the times I had to hear you talking about some other girl the way I wanted you to talk about me. I think of how I find myself jealous of people who have no interest in you whatsoever. Just because they’re pretty and you used to want them over me. I think of the people who spend time with you when I’m not there and how much I hate them for making life fun for you. How I hate them for being where I should be. I think of everything at once. And sometimes it really does affect me. Sometimes I have to cry it out. But other days I want to feel stronger. And as wrong as it is, you take the hits. I take it out on you. Because I can’t help thinking what if? What if they’d said yes? Would you have really left me on the curb, broken and lost? Would you really have been able to hurt me like that? You couldn’t now, but back then? Would you have cared for how I felt at all? Or would certain things have drawn you in too much? I know I read too much into things. But it is only by sheer luck that you are with me. Only by people turning you down did I get you. I was the last person you turned to. And you still get surprised when I get jealous of all those people you ever put before me. I wish, back then, I had made you chose. But the thought of losing you was too much to bear. And back then you were unpredictable. Everyone of the other people you wanted were strong, they had you waiting, had you wrapped around their little fingers. But me? I was different. I never wanted to pressure you. And it just makes me sad that you’d pick someone controlling over me. But I just can’t imagine my life without you. And it took us so long to get here; to be perfect. For you to want me. For me to want you. I can’t risk anything happening. I can risk losing you. Back then, I would have been heartbroken. Now, it would kill me. You are part of me. You mean everything and without you I am nothing. I am sorry that my head tells me to hate you sometimes. I could really never hate you. Nobody's perfect til you’re in love, right?

Crying at night.

Covering your entire face with your pillow as you try hard not to make that whimpering sound. You want to scream out loud but your entire family is asleep or may hear your cries. You want to stop crying but your heart is being squeezed up tight and tears just keep on rolling down your face. After a while you stop crying but the pain in your heart still remains as your head is filled with a million thoughts running through your head, making you unable to sleep.

Lazy nights with you.

Can we have a lot of them?

I want to stay home and watch a bunch of Disney/Pixar movies with you. Instead of going out for dinner, we could stack up on major piles of junk food and candy and chocolates and tubs of ice-cream. Don’t worry about bringing comfy clothes, you can wear one of my pullover. Slowly falling asleep in each others arms. Waking up and seeing the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. The point is, we don’t need to do anything spectacular... because spending time with you is satisfying enough.

Switzerland. ♥

I just realized that out of all things, I did not blog about my vacation to Switzerland. Gosh! Never mind. I'mma just upload those pictures I took there. :)

 

 

 

There's actually more, but I'm just too tired update it now. Hehe. ^^