Even people I’ve known for so long soon become strangers to me. People change and grow tired of having you in their life. I’m my own best friend. It’s sad, but it is what it is. But it’s ironic because that’s how I live my life. I smile on the outside, and everyone thinks I’m doing fine but I’m always dying inside, always one step away from the edge you know? I can’t be happy to be who I am because I don’t know who I am anymore.
I am depressed. I hurt myself. I want to kill myself. I have social anxiety. I get through a bottle of vodka - and yes, I am aware that this isn’t exactly helping but I have given medication, therapy, a try and it doesn’t work. I feel worse than ever. Alcohol is probably the only reason I am still here and knowing that makes me feel like a complete failure. Basically, this world and me don’t agree. And one day, one day soon this will all be over.
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